David Fincher’s made some great movies. Seven. Fight Club. Hell, I didn’t even mind Alien 3. But The Curious Case of Benjamin Button isn’t one of them. In fact, it’s one of the most boring films I’ve ever seen.

I must admit, I was looking forward to this film. I liked David Fincher’s visual style. Dark and moody. Great use of shadows and low angles. He was someone who really revelled in film as a visual medium.

But there’s nothing like that in Benjamin Button. It feels like it’s been directed by Robert Redford. A perpetual yellow, nostalgic glow and lots of long takes with dull composition. That, on its own, was enough to put me to sleep… but then there’s the story! Yes folks, it gets worse.

Benjamin Button is like Forrest Gump, but in reverse and twice as slow. I kept waiting for something to happen, but it never did. Benjamin spends a lot of time waiting but doing very little. Fincher obviously thought that the novelty of a person aging in reverse would carry this film. It might have, if it was a fifteen minute film. But it isn’t. It’s almost three agonising hours.I persisted with it, long after I would have given up on it had it been directed by someone I’ve never heard of. But because of the Fincher factor I kept waiting for some kind of payoff. Something that made it all add up to something other than a big, syrupy pile of shit. But it never came. I felt like I’d been stood up.

So screw you David Fincher! Your sycophantic Academy Award grovelling makes my stomach churn. Get back to doing what you do best and leave this kind of crap to Robert Redford or Ron Howard.